Saturday Night Live is all new tonight, with host Anne Hathaway returning, and musical guest Rihanna. It’s set up to be a very popular show, as they’ve both been on before and done well. I really shouldn’t say anything at all, but the celebrities have been oddly quiet today amidst the devastating fallout of the Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber breakup and the Petraeus scandal. So I guess this is as good a time as any to admit something terrible: I don’t much care for her. I know that’s heresy in a world infatuated with all things Anne Hathaway. We let her host our Oscars, and be the best thing in The Dark Knight Rises, and get a pixie cut. Things that normal celebrities aren’t allowed to do, but that we throw at Anne Hathaway like so much confetti. She’s America’s Sweetheart, for god sakes, you don’t have to tell me that what I’m saying is blasphemy.

I’m sorry, I can’t explain it. I’m the odd one out, I know, but there’s something about her that rubs me the wrong way. I really like her movies, and even her performances in them. I loved The Devil Wears Prada, and I found her actually Oscar-worthy in Rachel Getting Married. Oh and let’s not pretend like I didn’t watch The Princess Diaries 85,000 times growing up. But when I see Anne Hathaway out in the world, I’m not into it. She’s like…too good. She’s too nice, too attractive, in too good of shape, too humble, too talented. With all those things, I should be obsessed with her. But instead I’m just not. I’m oddly disconnected.

I watch her beautiful face do its talented acting and go — my my, what a large beautiful mouth. I don’t like it. Look at those dark beautiful eyes. I don’t like them. Listen to her skinny beautiful words. I don’t like them. Shut up. Shut up, Anne Hathaway. I honestly don’t know what it is. Maybe I’m jealous, but I don’t feel jealousy. I watch her in outtakes, and I feel like she’s not a real person. She’s always putting on accents and flittering around apologizing for mistakes that she didn’t make, and I just don’t get it. I don’t find her perfection charming. I find it annoying.

Especially with Les Miserables coming out, everybody’s hopping aboard her train even more than usual. But, like, I see those trailers, and all I think is, “Oh good, we’re letting her sing now. I bet she’ll be real fucking good at it, too.” And she is. Just like when we let her be Judy Garland. Like, look how bitter I am! I honestly don’t get it.

And after all that, you’d think I’d cut my losses and just stop watching her in stuff. Like, not turn on my TV tonight to watch SNL. But you know what? I’m going to. Because I’m determined to find out what it is about her that has me so skeeved. I won’t like it, but I will watch it.

Stay tuned.

(Image: Rob Rich /

MSP Primer sources certain data, including net worth, and premiere information from PopSugar and various other sites.

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